Thursday, June 09, 2005

The Introductory Blog

For those of you unfamiliar with the concept of "Bradymerica", Bradymerica is the exclusive and wondrous land in which I, Brady, spend most of my time. Some believe this mystical land is only in my head, but think about it; Would I, the focused and industrious person that I am, waste time in an imagined world? The answer is no. Bradymerica does exist!

So, you may be asking yourself: How can I go to Bradymerica? Well, I'll be honest, the immigration officers are tougher than the ones in Kiev. Its highly unlikely you'll get in due to the strict criteria.
For example, Democrats, Pro-choicers, and Hippies(especially college, know-it-all hippies) are not allowed in Bradymerica.
-Nor shall anyone with an IQ of less than 100 enter into Bradymerica (unless you are legitimately "mentally challenged" - in which case you're probably wiser than I am).
-Anyone named Paris Hilton, or anyone exhibiting Paris Hilton-like qualities, is not allowed in Bradymerica. While we are on a similar topic, girls who care more about clothes than people, think that independence is more important than selflessness, or are otherwise stupid, are not allowed in Bradymerica.
-Anyone who cares about school or their career more than the people in their lives, is not allowed in Bradymerica.
-Anyone without an appreciation for, and understanding of, the beauty in nature is not allowed in Bradymerica.
-Atheists and all other non-Christians ARE allowed into Bradymerica, but you will hear and otherwise be exposed to "absolute truth" during your stay in Bradymerica. If you don't like it, you are free to leave anytime you want.
-One last thing, though this isn't a strict criteria, being Catholic isn't gonna win you any points with the immigration officers. You may be allowed into Bradymerica, but you may be searched and probed more than the average immigrant.

Now that we have established who can enter into Bradymerica, what can you bring? Here is a list of contraband:
-Crappy movies, as well as any and all forms of Japanamation, are not allowed in Bradymerica.
-Though condiments and yellow cheeses are allowed in Bradymerica, (because I am nice and understanding of your opinions) you must keep said condiments and cheeses downwind of Bradymerica's founder at all times.
-Copies of the "Hollar Back Girl" song in any format are considered one of the worst forms of contraband and possession of said music may result in banishment.
-Cats are not allowed in Bradymerica, because if I wanted to be around something that laid around and bit%$ed all the time...(better not finish that statement).
-Crepe Myrtles, Chinese tallow tree, and Bradford Pears are not allowed in Bradymerica. Nor are Palm trees allowed anywhere other than the beaches of Bradymerica.

Rules while you're in Bradymerica:
-Everyone eats meat in Bradymerica, because lets be honest, vegetarianism does not make sense.
-Overexaggeration of problems is not allowed in Bradymerica.
-Spending time focusing on trivial crap is not allowed in Bradymerica.

If you are lucky enough to pass the strict entrance requirements, I congratulate on being one of the most sane people in this world, and welcome you to the better world of Bradymerica.

In Bradymerica, there are no ignorant fools spouting off ridiculous philosophies. No one is stupid enough to say that WMDs never were in Iraq. No one is so stupid that they cant realize abortion is murder.
Everyone is selfless and has the desire to show others love. No one mistreats women, and yet miraculously, not a single woman takes advantage or becomes conceded. Women also treat men well in Bradymerica, not to get something they want, but rather because they have the desire to treat someone they love the way they should be treated. Therefore, , seperation, divorce and any other form of lost love does not exist in Bradymerica.
Everyone loves children and can see that children are great because all they know is love. Consequently, no one mistreats or harms children. An amazing result follows; No one has issues resulting from mistreatment during their childhood - a novel concept I know.
Its a wonderful place, I know. I like to spend as much time there as possible. So, if you see me in what may appear to be a pointless daze, do not assume I am being anti-social. Instead, come to the realization that I am in Bradymerica, and come ask me if you can go too. If you don't meet some of the criteria, we can work on that.


At 7:29 AM, Blogger BlakeC said...

And may God continue to bless Bradymerica.

At 11:20 AM, Blogger BlakeC said...

Come on Brady, how about a post...


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